Vietnam Rhapsody

Scooters, Egg Coffee, and the Sound of One Buffalo Mooing: A Culturally Misaligned Meander through Vietnam

by Kiribane, armed with a Hasselblad 500c/m (yes, with digital back—don’t panic) and a Leica M6 loaded with expired Kodak Gold, just to be that guy

Let’s be honest. No one really comes to Vietnam for peace and quiet. If you wanted that, you’d go to a Finnish library. What you come for is everything—at once. The mountains, the madness, the motorbikes that outnumber thoughts. It’s a country that throws jasmine-scented chaos and contemplative moments at you like a well-meaning grandmother force-feeding you bánh cuốn. And somehow, you leave grateful, confused, and mildly sunburnt.

Hanoi: Where Crossing the Street Becomes Performance Art

Ah, Hanoi. A city where crossing the road requires more inner peace than a yoga retreat. Picture this: thousands of scooters, all heading straight for you, none intending to stop. The key? Walk slowly. Consistently. And pray. Congratulations—you’ve just survived Vietnam’s most aggressive trust exercise.

But there’s method to the madness. Just walk the Long Bien Bridge and you’ll see it: bomb-scarred but elegant, held together with rust, folklore, and possibly chewing gum. On the far side? A gentle rural dream called Long Bien Island, where time has politely decided to pause. It smells of damp earth and grilled corn, with a touch of “I can’t believe this is still Hanoi.”

Pop into the Vietnamese Women’s Museum afterward. It’s humbling and profound, and just when you’re feeling emotionally balanced again, Hanoi will kindly blast an EDM remix of “Despacito” from a nearby alley to remind you where you are.

Culinary Enlightenment: Now with Egg

Forget avocado toast. Real intellectuals sip eggpresso at Blackbird Coffee. It’s where poets, coders, and suspiciously stylish people congregate to drink coffee made with egg yolk and condensed milk, presumably invented by someone who said, “What if breakfast… but also dessert… and caffeine?”

Later, at Sente – The Flavour of Lotus, you’ll eat a salad made of sacred leaves and try to guess if you’re in a Michelin kitchen or a Taoist parable. Dishes are balanced according to yin and yang, which explains why my tofu was served on a lotus flower while soft jazz whispered about enlightenment in the background.

And if you survive the Kumquat Tree Speakeasy’s password-protected door (pro tip: it’s probably not “kumquat”), you’ll enter a bar so achingly cool it could destabilize your self-esteem. Blue-and-white porcelain, incense altars, and cocktails with names like “Last Dragon in Saigon.” I drank one and momentarily forgot my PIN number.

The Hai Van Pass: Where Clarkson Once Waxed Poetic

If Vietnam’s geography were a movie, the Hai Van Pass would be the dramatic aerial shot that makes you weep into your rice noodles. Winding coastal roads, mist like dry ice in a David Lynch scene, and scenery so perfect it looks rendered by AI.

Here, bullet-scarred bunkers whisper tales of the past, while buffalo graze nearby like bovine philosophers. Stop at Canh Duong Bay for seafood so fresh it waves at you from the plate. Then take a dip at Elephant Springs and slide down rocks smoother than a French jazz saxophone.

Finally, roll into Da Nang—Vietnam’s answer to SimCity—where bridges breathe fire and skyscrapers try to outshine the sea. And somewhere in the distance, you’ll hear Jeremy Clarkson’s ghost (he’s alive, but theatrically omnipresent) murmuring, “What a road…”

Final Thought from a Man with Too Many Cameras

Vietnam is not a country you visit. It’s one you negotiate with. It’s chaotic, poetic, and always five minutes ahead of whatever you’re trying to do. One moment you’re lost in the smell of lemongrass and diesel fumes; the next, you’re photographing a monk eating phở with an iPad.

Shoot it with a Leica. Or a Hasselblad. Or just shoot it with your eyes and store it where it really counts: in the file marked WTF but Wonderful.

Because that, dear reader, is Vietnam in a nutshell: baffling, breathtaking, and beautifully Timpenetrable.

May be Next up: survive a Vietnamese haircut. Spoiler: they used fire.